I can tell you from experience this is a difficult one. My girlfriend was the one that introduced me to Christianity and was also the one that has had sex before and didn't think it was necessarily bad before marriage. I can tell you now I wish I had waited. The moment that two people share in intimacy is so special, I understand why god has saved it for marriage.

My advice is to stay strong, both in abstinence and in the word. If you both or once you both have a strong relationship with the lord, you will both understand why this is so important. Having a true relationship with god has an amazing toll on you, your heart will break for what breaks his, you will love people you never though you could love.

Try spending some time in the word together, sit talk and analyze. He will move you two, he will strengthen your relationship or weaken it. You will realize that he will push you away or bring you closer. Realize, this is all apart of his plan for your life and hers. Praise him for the trials and for the amazing times. He will never put you in a situation you cant handle. Otherwise we would probably explode!

Hope this helps a litte :)

-Jax

Hey Brice,

Welcome to G&G.
I can't understand why God would allow her to believe this...
God allows us to believe all sorts of things. The process of becoming Christ-like is a journey. As we mature, we can reflect on how our understandings have come more in line with Christ's heart. This is the process of sanctification. However, if your relationship grows, the natural progression is to become more involved physically. I'd suggest you determine specific activities you are, and are not, comfortable with before the situation arises.

Also, marriage is much more than a piece of paper. At it's worst, it is at least a legal joining of assets. At it's best, it is a truly wonderful thing. If she sees marriage as unimportant on this side, it's quite possible if she one day does marry, her respect for the institution won't change much.

Blessings!

-NP

That is a rough one man. Listen, my wife and I were both Christians and we both did not want sex before marriage....and we just BARELY made it. We abstained, but it took all we had and God's good grace. So let me say this, you need to stay focused and keep your heart towards Him. I know you are, but what I am trying to stress is - don't waiver. Once you do, it is wayyyyy too hard to resist.

Something to consider here - what other areas do you two need to discuss? For instance, how might the differing opinions affect how you raise kids? Or any other Christian beliefs that might cause an issue?

Hate to be the prophet of doom here, but you are on a very serious topic that needs serious attention.

I pray for both of you. I am not just saying that....I really am.

"I can't understand why God would allow her to believe this..."

Personally I'd be careful about keeping a statement like this as a rhetorical one. Its definitely good to try and find genuine answers to this.

"I can't understand why God would allow her to believe this, putting her at risk to be hurt in the future. "

I think it is also important to investigate your own reasons for this. For example, is the main reason why you don't want to have sex is to avoid emotional pain in the future (as that suggests). I think that is kind of a good reason but there are a couple of issues. One being, lots of things, like having kids, falling in love at all cause pain. I know a girl who had a number of sexual relationships before she became a christian but the emotional bond she had with a boyfriend whilst she was a christian despite not having sex was far more painful. And Secondly what if someone were to explain to you that they have had sex before marriage and they never experienced pain (like her parents seem to be saying?) surely that goes against that reason? One problem with this is that it is impossible to really ask for anyone's advice on the matter. There is no such thing as a person who has tried both extra-marital sex and waiting till marriage.

So maybe one reason you want to wait until marriage is because the bible tells you?

Well I think that is a fantastic reason for YOU to not have sex. Even if you're wrong you have to square things out with God and your consciense so if you think it is wrong then you should not do it. (See how paul treats eating meat sacrificed to the Gods in Corinthians). However, it is important to realise that for many people that is not a satisfactory answer for THEM.

Christianity is a faith where all things are permissible but not all things are helpful. There is no sin that Jesus has not already died for and therefore we are free of all rules and regulations. If you truly wanted to have sex, murder, whatever you could and you could get into heaven. The difference between us and other religions is that we're friends of God, not just servants. He tells us why he put down the rules he once did. I really think it is true that the truth will set you free because time and time again all the rules of christianity (though not really rules) are just obviously the best way of dealing with things.

The point I'm saying is that whilst it is good for you to abstain because the bible says so. It is also a good idea to ask God why the bible says so. The answers to those questions are much more powerful in communicating to other people. I also think that once you get there it becomes WAY easier to abstain. I don't find it difficult to avoid eating nuts becuase I'm allergic and don't like them. Similarly I don't find it difficult (generally) abstaining from sex. (There are plenty of other related struggles however)

i understand what you are trying to say, yautjacetanu. But your paragraph that beings with "Christianity is a faith where all things are permissible but not all things are helpful." is not accurate. God's grace does not give us a license to sin. And the Bible is very clear that some things are sin no matter how you try to explain it away.

Put another way - your comment leads to a once-saved-always-saved-no-matter-what philosophy. And that will only lead a person to eventually reject God since "God already forgave me".

So, rethink and reread.

I posted quite a large reply to that but I don't really know what kind of community this is so I didn't feel right about that. Its on my blog if you're interested.

For here however,

Firstly I didn't think I was arguing that God gives us a license to sin. What I was trying to demonstrate was the spirit a Christian ought to worry about doing things? So instead of "Because I'm a Christian I must not have sex before marriage" the goal is to be in a place of "Because I'm a Christian I do not NEED to have sex out of marriage"?

With a general rule being "Because I'm a Christian I do not NEED to sin" with the implication that without Christ I would. Jesus does not JUST tell us not to sin, he enables us not to sin.

Put another way - your comment leads to a once-saved-always-saved-no-matter-what philosophy. And that will only lead a person to eventually reject God since "God already forgave me".

But he has totally taken away our sin? It went with Jesus on the Cross? How can God judge us for something that is no longer there?

Anyway I don't know exactly what philosophy you're referring to. I have issues with the concept of "once-saved" anyway because of my understanding of time. Are you talking about the Calvinistic Doctrine of the "Preservation of the Saints?" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perseverance_of_the_s... argued for by the likes of John Calvin, Jonathan Edwards and now John Piper?

Whilst I have my own issues with Calvinism as a whole. All those people who believe in that Doctrine were so famous for acting pious that in England they are labelled the Puritans! I don't think that follows?

Yautja,
I think i understand more now the point you were trying to make. I still disagree with the comment of "totally taken away our sin", such that even as a Christian if I desire to sin and I go ahead and do it....I sinned.

Example: I am saved and i love God with all of my heart. I then decide to go to a strip club and spend the evening there. Have I not just given in to lust?

Anyway, enough of that. Regardless, we all surely agree that we pray for DbDshowbread..yes?